Turn It All Around
by blackbelt96
Summary: Sara thought her life was finally coming together, that is until she saw Grissom and Sofia together. How will she deal with this new turn in her life? How will Grissom react? Doesn't follow a specifc time line. GSR towards the end.
1. We Need to Talk

Life had been good the last couple of months; work was going well, I was finding more time for a personal life, and best of all, Grissom and I had been getting along a lot better. So as the Christmas holidays approached, I found myself in a better, more optimistic mood that this holiday normally found me in.

"So Nick, what are you doing for Christmas this year?" I asked as we rounded a corner of the lab, on the way to the break room.

"Oh the usual; flying down to Texas at the end of this week to see my family. I'll be spending a few days down there. I can't wait." Nick said with a smile. "What about you? Working again this year?"

I was about to reply and say that I was when we rounded another corner and Grissom's office came into view. I don't know what it was about this moment, normally I wouldn't have looked too hard into Grissom's office, wouldn't pay attention if anyone was in there with him. But this time, for some reason, I looked and my mind froze.

I couldn't describe the feeling of seeing Sofia Curtis sitting casually if not flirtatiously on the corner of Grissom's desk, facing him; the feeling of seeing his face light up with laughter at something she said, and of seeing her lean over slightly to hit his arm playfully and of him not shying away from her touch.

I stopped dead in my tracks, and as soon as Nick noticed I had, he did too. "Sara what is it?" He asked with concern. He came to stand by my side and followed my gaze into Grissom's office. "Oh" He said lamely once he saw and understood. It took another moment of standing there before Nick said "Come on Sara, let's go, you don't need to watch this." He took hold of my arm and began to pull me away.

Once in the break room, Nick sat me down next to Greg and took his own seat across from me. Trying to act as if nothing had happened he said as casually as possible "So Greg, what are you doing this Christmas?"

Greg smiled widely and said "Well, I'm flying out to New York to see an old college friend and hit up the party scene," At this everyone laughed and Greg got a sort of hurt look on his face "Then I'm flying back to see my family."

"And what about you Catherine?" Nick asked turning his attention to the blonde standing in the corner by the coffee machine.

"Spending it with Lindsey and my mother, the usual." She said contentedly. She turned her attention to me and I felt dread rise up in my stomach "What about you Sara, working again?" A knowing smile came to her face.

I wanted to say that I was, forget what I saw happening in Grissom's office, but I couldn't and I couldn't let it go. I had to figure some things out and in the short time it had taken for me to get from Grissom's office to here I had decided something, and I was going to follow it through.

"No, actually. I have all that time saved up and I think I'm going to spend some of it."

The looks that were sent my way were ones of complete and total utter shock.

It was silent for a moment and then Catherine asked "Does Grissom know about this?"

I was about to answer with a lie when suddenly a new presence was in the room. "Does Grissom know about what?"

All of us whipped our heads around to the door to see Grissom standing there with cases files in his hands. Everyone than turned their heads to look at me, only to see me advert my eyes.

"Nothing, that is of great concern." Catherine said casually, so casually in fact that even I believed the lie. I could not have been more grateful to Catherine in that moment for not telling Grissom than I ever was.

Grissom cocked his head to the side slightly and raised and eye brow, but no one was paying attention to him anymore.

"We have a busy night ahead of us." Grissom said as he sat down at the head of the table. "Greg and Nick you have a B and E on the strip, Catherine, Sara, and Warrick you have a 419 in the desert, it's a rough one, so prepare yourselves."

"So the big man sits one out?" Catherine asked taking the folder that Grissom handed her.

"No actually, Sofia and I have possible murder scene in the suburbs." He said pleasantly.

I felt Catherine and Nick's eyes on me as I tensed slightly at the mention of Grissom and Sofia spending more time together.

Catherine nodded before saying "Warrick, Sara, I'll meet you in the Tahoe in five minutes." Before she walked out of the room.

Grissom watch curiously as she went and then turned back to say something to us, but Greg, Nick, and Warrick were already up and out of their seats, walking out the door.

"What's up with everybody tonight?" Grissom asked with genuine confusion on his face.

I stood and jabbed my jacket that was draped across the back of my chair. "I don't know," I lied and Grissom, knowing I lied, gave me a funny look "But, ah, I need to talk to you after shift, do you have some time?"

There was a deafening silence and then Grissom said "Yeah, but what's this about."

"Not now Gris, I have to go." I said hurriedly before rushing out the door myself.

Once inside the Tahoe, Catherine began to bombard the questions on me.

"Sara, what's going on, and don't lie to me, I saw the way you tensed up when Grissom mentioned Sofia, what happened?"

"Catherine, nothing is going on, I don't know what you're talking about?" I said, trying to deflect the personal questions that came my way.

"Sara, you do know what I'm talking about, and you know I know you know I know what I'm talking about. So spill!"

"What?" Warrick interjected, lost now and no longer able to keep up with the conversation.

"Shhh, Warrick!" Catherine said, turning a stern eye to him, silencing him almost immediately.

"Catherine, I think you know what happened, Grissom and Sofia are…close, closer I should say, what more do you need me to say?" I asked tiredly.

"Wait! Sofia and Grissom are together?" Warrick asked, now more than confused.

"No I said they were closer…not together."

"What Sara means Warrick, is that she saw Sofia and Grissom together acting in an unprofessional manner and would not like to jump to conclusions, but is most certain she knows what's going on, because I do too." Catherine said, throwing me an apologetic glance through the rear view mirror.

"Oh…wait…what!" Warrick, poor Warrick, always one step behind on the lab gossip.

"Sara, I'm sorry…" Catherine sincerely said.

"Thanks, but I really don't want to talk about this, I just want to work." I said as we pulled up to the crime scene, red and blue lights suddenly lighting up the inside of the truck.

I jumped out of the truck, got my kit, and ran to meet Brass who was waiting for us outside the yellow taped off area. Warrick and Catherine followed a few minutes later, all of us eager to figure this out, but all for different reasons.

"Boy, I thought you guys were never going to make it." Brass said, sighing and rubbing his eyes quickly. "This is a tough one; it's unlike anything I've ever seen."

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A/N okay so here's the first chapter. Being sick has given me some time to finally finish it! So i hope you like it!


	2. Dinner?

Brass had been right when he said the scene was unlike anything he had ever seen…I have no doubt that his statement had been true, because the scene we were to process was unlike anything I had ever seen…or heard of for that matter.

I stood there –frozen- in a moment of unnatural shock. Catherine and Warrick had stood beside me in the same state of shock until Catherine had been able to pull herself together. I could hear her in the background, already barking out orders.

"I want this whole scene tented off, this is going to take a while and I don't want any of this evidence contaminated. Also call in backups from days or swing I don't care which, we're going to need some help with this one." Catherine commanded to anyone and everyone.

Catherine was right, we were going to need some help with this one…there was no doubt in my mind that we would be pulling a double if not a triple.

The scene was horrifying and gruesome and there was no way to describe it in full without having to take someone there so they could understand it.

"Sara are you alright?" I head Catherine come up from behind me.

I jumped slightly, forgetting for a moment that I was a CSI and I had a job to do.

"Ah, yeah…sorry."

"It's fine," Catherine said with uncharacteristic sympathy "Could you start taking pictures, I'm going to have Warrick process the perimeter until backup gets here."

I nodded my head before I went back to the Tahoe to grab my camera. Once I had the camera in hand, I set out to tackle my difficult task. I worked slowly, meticulously, taking photos of anything and everything that was in my path. Photos of gray matter, blood spatter, shoe prints, abnormal disturbances, and a total of five bodies.

Half way through my work, and a couple people from days showed up. I greeted them with a tight smile or it could have been a grimace, I think I was too tired to tell the difference between the two.

The first guy from days-Mark was the first to talk to me "Hey Sara…how are you, never mind don't answer that. Where can we start?" That was Mark, never intruding or assuming…always polite and ever the gentleman.

"Over there…I've already photo documented everything over there." I said on a sigh, letting go of my camera for a second to wipe the sweat that had formed on my brow.

Mark smiled and walked over to where I pointed. The second guy from days-Jimmy stayed behind for a second.

"Long night, huh Sidle?" He asked.

I nodded my head in agreement "It looks to be that way."

"Yeah…well, take it easy alright? You look tired."

I nodded my head as he turned and walked away, puzzled by his comment. Was I the lab's new charity case…the person to pity now? God I hoped not. I shook my head free of my thoughts and brought my focus back to the task at hand.

An hour and half latter – already well into a double – and I had finally finished photo processing the scene. I sighed heavily, taking a moment to stand back a bit and assess the whole scene I had processed. My back neck ached and my back protested against my posture, but staring at the vast piece of land I had just covered, strangely, it felt worth it.

I tried to not stare at the scene I had just spent hours staring at…not wanting to be remembering every detail of everything on the way home or while I tried to sleep.

I ducked under the tape I was standing by and walked the perimeter of the scene to find Catherine. I found her standing by one of the police cursers, packing up some of the collected evidence.

"Hey Cath…I finished." I said dully, my tiredness suddenly hitting me.

"Great, I'm glad to hear that," She said, even though joy was not what I heard in her voice. "Can you help my load some of this stuff in here? And then after this can you help finish processing the scene…days works to slow for my liking."

I smiled dryly and said "Of course, let me just put this back in the case and I can send it with the rest of this stuff." I motioned to the evidence Catherine was piling into the trunk. She nodded and I walked back to the Tahoe.

When I got back Catherine said with a grunt as she pilled some rather heavy evidence into the back "Grissom called…"

My head shot up involuntarily. "Oh yeah?" I asked with what I hoped was indifference.

"Yeah, I guess Brass got back to the lab a while ago and ran into, decided to give him and update…or a bigger picture of what he sent us on. So he called not too long ago, asking how everything was going. I said as alright as things can be with a scene like this. He asked did we need or want any help…he and Sofia had finished early I guess…said that they were going to dinner, but could put it on hold to…" Catherine stopped short, looking at me with wide eyes, realizing what information she had just let slip.

"What?" I asked, trying to sound as though nothing was out of normal.

"Sara…I'm sorry." Catherine began

"Sorry for what? For telling a story that's work related?" I asked sighing as I lifted more evidence into the back of the car.

"No…" Catherine gave me a funny look and then realization dawned on her face "Oh…okay…I can go along with that."

I ran my hands along my face for a moment and then said "Thanks."

It was much better to just forget about Grissom right now, fill my head with work and ignore my hurting heart…so much easier to think of the five dead bodies at hand rather than Grissom lavishing Sofia Curtis.

Catherine gave me a sympathetic look but said nothing else and went back to work.

By the time Catherine and I were done with our task and the cursers were on their way, Warrick was done with the perimeter.

He came back sweaty and tired. "I think that is one of the most tedious things I've ever had to do…but I'm glad I wasn't taking the scene…looks awful."

"What did you find?" Catherine asked.

"A lot actually…footprints, tire prints…murder weapon maybe."

"That's great!" Catherine said with some actual enthusiasm. "Let's help finish up with this scene and get back to the lab…maybe we'll only have to pull a double"

Everyone wanted to believe that a double was all we were going to be pulling, but when all was said and done, and everyone was getting ready to head back to the lab, we all knew that we were staring down a triple.

We left the scene with close to ten officers "holding down the fort". The ride back to the lab was a quite one, mainly because all of us were too tired to start and continue a conversation.

When we finally pulled into the lab parking lot, we all trudged out of the Tahoe, each of us grabbing more than a couple pieces of evidence to carry in.

When we had dropped everything off at the layout room with the rest of the stuff that had been brought in earlier Catherine stopped us from jumping right in.

"Guys…take a quick break…grab a cup of coffee and some food…we have a lot of work to do." Catherine said rubbing her eyes tiredly before walking out of the room ahead of us.

So Warrick, Mark, Jimmy, and I all walked to the break room, more than grateful for the break.

We all plopped down in the empty chairs, sitting there like the dead weight we had become. Some people from days flitted in and out of the room and around the hallways, being as it was already time for days' shift to start.

"Hey guys, thanks for coming in to help us out." Warrick said before taking a long sip from his water bottle.

"No problem…we knew this would be a douse…we understand and we know that you would do the same for us." Mark said sincerely.

"And plus we get three extra vacation days for doing this." Jimmy added with a slight smile.

I snorted a little, knowing that they couldn't be here out of the goodness of their hearts.

A couple minutes later and Catherine poked her head into the room saying "Come on guys, the sooner we get some of this done the sooner we can go home and sleep for a couple hours."

We all dragged ourselves from our chairs, dragging out feet down the hall towards the layout room all our evidence occupied. As we made our way, we passed Grissom's dark and empty office and I realized with a pang in my heart and a sudden rush of cold blood that he had left…with Sofia… and I hadn't gotten to talk to him. I realized with dread filling my stomach; that the longer this dragged out, the harder the conversation I had to have with him was going to be, especially when Sofia Curtis involved.

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A/N Okay so i'm sorry there's litting Grissom/Sara interaction but there will be a lot more in chapter to come. So, thank you for all the reviews, they are very much appreciated and i hope you enjoy this chapter!


	3. Crossing Lines

"Alright guys, I think it's time we call it a night…or," Catherine paused to look out the glass walls of the lay out room to see the soft sun reflecting off the hall floors "or a day I suppose."

We all looked at each other to tired to laugh or feel really any emotion at her statement.

"Let's pack all this up and then we can go home for a couple hours and catch a little sleep." She said bleakly look at the cluttered table with dark eyes.

We all stood there for a long second, just looking at the evidence piled in front of us. Half of it was processed…the other half –the larger half- was not.

Mark was the first to start moving, taking an empty evidence box in his hands and started to carefully place things in it. We all soon followed his lead, each of us taking a box and placing the things in front of us in them.

When we were all finished, the five of us just stood there, tiredness making us freeze momentarily, none of us sure what to do with our selves for minute.

Then, all of the sudden, Catherine looked around with a heavy sigh and said "Well I'm off…Lindsey will be upset that I wasn't home to see her off to school, but I would like to there to greet her when she comes home. I'll see you all tonight then?" She didn't wait for an answer; she was out the door in a flash and down the hall before any of us could blink.

Mark was the next to leave, saying goodbye and waving before he too was out the door and down the hall. Jimmy followed soon after, leaving in the same manner as the other two did.

Then it was just Warrick and I. I stared blankly at him before his voice broke through my non-existent thoughts. "Do you want to catch something to eat?"

I gave it some thought, I was about to say 'no' before I suddenly thought of Grissom…and Sofia. I didn't want to go home to my empty apartment just yet…I didn't want to lie awake in my bed, fighting to find sleep, all the while trying to fight off images of Grissom and Sofia together…I didn't want to do any of this just yet, no matter how tired I appeared to be or actually was.

"Yeah, I think I would." I said, slowly, trying to gather some of myself that had been scattered from my previous thoughts.

Warrick smiled a small smile before saying, "Alright then…lets go"

We walked down the halls of the lab, side by side, and in silence, for talking wasn't really necessary and we weren't really in the mood for talking…not after the long night we had just had.

We ended up at the locker room and we walked in, Warrick holding the door open for me, before he followed me in.

"The diner okay?" He asked as we gathered our things for our respective lockers.

I looked over at him and said "Yeah, that's fine." Before I closed my locker and went to stand near him, waiting for him to be ready.

When he was ready, we walked out of the locker room, and continued to walk the lab's halls, again side by side, until we stepped out into the high and unforgiving Nevada sun.

"I'm not used to being out…hell up for that matter when the sun is this high." Warrick said on a light heartless laugh.

I nodded my head in agreement. I rarely saw the sun in this magnitude, normally stepping out when it was just setting and getting in just before it rose.

It just so happened that we had parked next to each other, and we each got into our cars at about the same time. Warrick led the way in his black BMW. How he ever came across the cash to pay for, I will never know, because I will never ask…but I have my speculations about how he came across it.

Within ten minutes we were pulling into the local diner…the entire lab's favorite place to go after a long day. We again parked next to each other.

Once we were both out of the car and standing next to each other, starting to walk in I said in casual passing "I could get used to this sun thing…working in it I mean. Getting up and being able to see it all day…and going to sleep when a regular person does…it'd be nice I think."

Warrick gave me a look filled with an emotion I couldn't place, but ignored it and it was gone before we even stepped into the cool, air conditioned diner.

A waitress came up to greet us with a friendly, familiar smile "Two?" She asked.

Warrick nodded and we followed her to a table, where we sat down and she placed menus in front of us.

"I'll be back in a minute." She said before she left us to look over our food choices.

We mulled over our options in silence, both of us already having decided what we were to have. The waitress was back soon, took our orders and then left again…promising our drinks soon.

We sat for another silent moment, I could feel Warrick scrutinizing my face, but I wouldn't look at him…I couldn't look at him. I was too afraid that if I did chance a peak at his eyes, I would give away all the things I was keeping bottled up. Warrick had always been good a prying the truth out of me…somehow he always knew just how to make me talk.

"Sara…are you okay?" He asked slowly, almost cautiously.

I finally looked up at him, seeing the emotion I expected to see…worry.

I sighed heavily, partly out of tiredness, and partly because I knew I had just lost a small battle. "I'm fine…same as always."

Warrick gave me a knowing look, seeing through my lie and getting ready to make me spill my guts.

"Are you sure?" He asked as if he were talking to a five year old.

I looked at him, an emotion similar to anger flaring up inside me. "And if I say I'm fine again…will you drop this?"

Warrick gave out a short laugh and said "What do you think?"

I was silent for a moment and then said in defeat "Fine…what is it that you want from me…what do you want to know…what's your concern this time?"

I knew he would have been slightly offended by my slightly sarcastic tone if he hadn't been so worried about my mental and emotional well-being.

"You've been working late again." He noted off-handedly, but I knew where he was taking this.

"Yes…and so have you." I said as calmly as I could.

"So then Sara…tell me why the forever workaholic suddenly wants to take a Christmas vacation?"

This comment did anger me slightly "Am I not entitled to the occasional break?"

"No of course you are…but you must understand when and where my radar went off. You…who works every Christmas…every holiday for that matter…you who pulls doubles regularly and even comes in on her days off. How do you expect me to react when all of the sudden you declare you're taking a couple days off out of the blue?"

I gave Warrick a weary look just as the waitress came by with our drinks. Warrick looked a little put off at being disrupted from his rant, his heavy flow of accusations now cut and less meaningful…less affective.

When the waitress had gone, Warrick fixed me with his knowing and intense gaze. After a few minutes of being under his intense scrutiny I snapped in a way and said tersely "Okay…I give up…ask what you need to ask…do it…you win."

Warrick smiled tightly, but it never reached his eyes for in the next second he was somber and serious almost resentful.

"Sara…I don't know how to say this…because I don't know where the line is…but does this have anything to do with Grissom?"

I gawked at him. How could this not have anything to do with Grissom? How could my sudden need to get away not have to do with Grissom being and inconsiderate ass? Jesus…men sometimes are so dense, it irks me.

"I take that as a yes then." He said when I didn't answer his question. "Sara…I know I'm not Catherine and I don't have these super female powers…but please talk to me…I want to help you."

I sighed, my defense broken. "Alright then…all of this has to do with Grissom…everything I do has to do with Grissom." I said half yelling.

Warrick looked at me with the sympathy I dreaded…it seemed as if he didn't know what to say.

"Don't look at me like that." I said quietly, looking away from him in shame.

"Hey," He said suddenly, making me look at him. "If he can't love you the way you love him…than he in NO way deserves even to have your thoughts sent his way, let alone be able to stand in your presence."

We sat there in silence for a while longer until I let out an uncontrolled, uninhibited laugh. Warrick joined in soon after he looked at me like I was crazy.

"A little too much comforting?" He asked once he had gotten much of his laughter under control.

I sighed as I allowed the feeling of my sore abdominal muscles to turn into pleasure, for I hadn't laughed that hard in a while. "No actually…not at all."

Our food came then, the mood shifted slightly, but not by much.

"So…they went out to dinner?" He asked suddenly.

I looked at my food for a long while, suddenly losing my appetite "Yeah…I guess they did."

Warrick, hearing the sudden sad note in my voice quickly said "Don't worry about it…I'm sure it's nothing."

"Don't lie to me…he lies to me enough as it is…not you too." I said not really speaking to him, but more to my food.

He was silent again and then he said "He's just…doesn't know a good thing…a great thing when he sees one…that's how normal asses are." Warrick was trying to cheer me up…it wasn't working.

And then…all of the sudden…I heard his voice. Warrick's and my head both spun around to see _him_ just entering the dining space, getting ready to take his seat.

I was vaguely aware of Warrick asking more than worriedly "Sara are you okay…you look like you're going to be sick."

He was right, because as he said these words my stomach gave another sickening churn…and_ she_ sat down with him…laughing heartily, smiling a smile that reached the eyes, looking more than at ease…and that's just what _he_ was doing…no where near the lines _she_ was suddenly crossing.

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A/N Okay so i know it's not the conversation you were hoping for, but now just imagine the conversation they're (Grissom and Sara) going to have in the next chapter. Thanks for the reviews! and i hope you enjoy reading this chapter!


	4. Find the Strength

Warrick looked at me with badly disguised worry all through our meal. I couldn't tell whether or not Grissom knew that we were here, no more than twenty feet away, he never came over to where we sat and I didn't feel his eyes on me once.

We ate our meal in silence, both of us rushing to hurry. There was nothing to be said at that moment. Warrick was at a loss as what to do, I could see he was angry…very angry. But I could also pick up the underlying sadness…a sadness meant for me.

When we were done – we were done rather quickly- Warrick asked for the check and paid as fast as possible, obviously in a hurry to get me as far away from Grissom and _her_ as soon as possible and I was putting up no fight to stop him.

But when we stood to leave, we both realized at the same time that we would have to walk past _them_. I could feel terror in my eyes even though I tried to replace the emotion with something calmer, something that would make Warrick worry less…but it was useless and I knew it.

I felt Warrick grab my hand and hold onto in tightly, gently squeezing as we began to walk, letting me know I wasn't alone and he was here and he wasn't going to let anything happen.

As we neared their table my palms began to sweat and I could feel my heart rate quicken, but Warrick didn't seem to notice, he was hell bent on getting me out of there emotionally unscathed. And for a moment I thought he had had success for we had just passed their table without a problem. That was until…

"Warrick?" Warrick stopped and I tensed, trying to pull my hand out of his so I could run away, but he wouldn't let me…he just held it all the more tighter. Warrick turned slowly in the direction of the voice, a polite smile building up on his face as he went. As he turned, subsequently…so did I, so when Warrick faced the person the voice came from, the voice asked almost so quietly I couldn't hear him "Sara?"

I stared -my blood running cold- into the confused eyes for Gil Grissom.

"Hey Grissom…Sara and I where just leaving." Warrick said, careful restraint hidden in his voice.

Grissom gave us both a funny look before he looked to our hands, still clasped together. "Yeah," He said, as I could see the wheels turning in his head. "I can see that."

"So we're going to be going then…enjoy the rest of your meal…come on Sara." Warrick said before he practically pulled me from the spot I had rooted myself in. I could feel his eyes on us as we left and it took everything I had in that moment to not rip my hand form Warrick's, run back to Grissom, and shout at him until he understood what he did to me…what he does to me.

But Warrick, who could always tell what I was thinking, looked down at me just before we left and said "Now's not the right time or place for that conversation." He was no longer as clueless as he had been on our way to the crime scene the night before. Warrick knew now…he understood without having to be told, kind of like a big brother in a way…always one step ahead of the guys that threatened his little sister.

"Warrick…I think he thinks…" I trailed off as I gestured to our hands and then back inside the diner.

Warrick gave out a humorless chuckle "Let him think that…he could use a good swift kick to the ass." Warrick looked at my uncertain expression and said "You don't know what you've got…until its gone Sara."

I looked at him for the briefest of moments, knowing full well that only pain reflected in my eyes. Warrick gave an audible sigh and then said "Come on…I'll follow you home…just to make sure you make it okay…I'll pick you up before work and take you in." I opened my mouth to protest, to say that I was perfectly capable of driving myself, but the look Warrick shot me, closed my mouth and stifled any sound I was thinking of making in protest.

I climbed into my car and started it up, sitting for a moment, contemplating walking back into the diner and talking with Grissom right here. But I put the car in reverse and drove away, having decided that a confrontation of that sort would not be good, and would only upset Grissom further.

Warrick made good on his promise, he followed me closely home, parking next to me when I had arrived. I got out of the car and went to stand next to him.

"Are you going to be alright until I come to pick you up?" Warrick asked, looking me straight in the eye.

I sighed "Of course Warrick, I'm not a child; I can take care of myself."

Warrick gave me a doubtful look before he nodded and opened his arms up to me for a hug. I gladly stepped into them, enjoying the feeling of safety his embrace brought to me.

"Call me if you need anything." He said before he let me go.

I nodded my head and said "Thanks Warrick, I'll see you soon." Before I turned and walked into my apartment building.

Warrick had been over reacting, I had decided once I got inside my apartment. Just because I saw Grissom and Sofia together enjoying a nice meal and having fun at the same time did not mean that I was going to fall apart at the seams. It just meant I would fall apart a little…on the inside.

I sighed and let a one, small tear escape my eye as I sat down on my couch for a brief moment. I rubbed my eyes, trying to get the images of Sofia making Grissom laugh out of my head. It was a hard thing to do, because whenever I closed my eyes it was all I could see, and whenever I opened my eyes –too sick to look on anymore- the only thing my ears could hear was his laughter generated by her.

I let out a frustrated yell, punched the couch, got up and stormed off to the bathroom; whispering profanities that no one but me could hear.

After my long awaited and much enjoyed shower, I had calmed down. Enough so that I could actually contemplate some things I had left on the back burner. Such things as what was I going to say to Grissom? What did I want? Did I want to leave all together? Pack up my life and start somewhere new? No…I defiantly didn't want that…even after all the pain, suffering, and heart ache Las Vegas had brought me, it also brought me my first real family…one that I knew would be with me until the day I died. I couldn't just leave them behind, even if Grissom was making me miserable.

I decided I just needed a long vacation to think some things trough. I just needed to be by myself, forget some things, move past others, and try to turn a page in my life without completing a chapter. Shouldn't be too hard…if I didn't have Grissom always around.

By the time I had come to this conclusion there was a knock at my door and I realized I had fallen asleep. I looked at the clock and realized with a start that it was time to leave for work.

"It's open!" I shouted as I dashed off to my bedroom to freshen up a little, even if it was just work.

"You know…you shouldn't leave your door unlocked and let people just come it when you can't answer the door Sara…your job should have taught you that much." Warrick said as he walked into my apartment. I could hear him rummaging in my fridge and I could feel a good reprimand coming on. "And you should have more food in your place to…do you never eat?"

I came out of my bedroom and said "Yes mom…I eat all my food like a big girl…don't worry."

Warrick shot me a sarcastic look before saying "You look better…a little more rested than the last time I saw you…but still…how much sleep did you actually get?" I just rolled my eyes and when Warrick realized I wasn't going to answer him he said "Ready to go then?"

I nodded my head, grabbing my bag as he headed out the door.

Once we were in Warrick's car and on the way the car was silent, both of us were lost in our own thoughts. But half way there Warrick turned to my tentatively before saying "Are you going to talk to him?"

I looked at him with what I hoped was a mask of indifference and said "What choice do I have? I can't very well take off and not tell him?"

"Take off?" Warrick asked, I could hear the worry in his voice.

"I mean, I think I'm going to take a longer vacation than just Christmas…you know…to get some things in order."

There was more silence before Warrick asked in and almost hurt, low voice "Sara…are you thinking of…leaving? I mean leaving Las Vegas…your job?"

I was silent for a moment, shock at his question settling in. I was obviously quiet for to long because Warrick looked at me with a pained expression.

"NO!" I suddenly blurted out. The tense atmosphere lightened considerably as I saw Warrick's shoulders slump in relief "No, Warrick…believe me…you would be one of the first to know if I was even considering leaving my job."

Warrick took his eyes of the road for a second to flash me a sort of relieved half smile, one that held more emotion that he would let show.

"Alright…we're here." Warrick said in slight warning as he put the car in park. "Are you ready?"

I looked at him for a long moment, debating on whether or not to ask him to just run around and take me home so I could hide out there for a few days.

"Will you be waiting for me when I'm done?" I asked the nervousness I was trying to hide showing through anyways.

Warrick gave me a sympathetic look before saying "Of course…I'll be right outside the door waiting…just in case."

I was more than relieved and it must have showed because Warrick then asked "Sara…are you sure about this…I mean…I'm sure a note would work just fine." The obvious unease about the situation very clear in his eyes.

I nodded slowly. "Yeah…I'm sure…I have to do it this way."

Warrick gave and apprehensive nod before getting out of the car and waiting for me to follow. I sat in my seat a little longer, trying to collect the strong, sure conviction I seemed to have lost in the last ten hours.

When I was finally at his side, Warrick quietly guided me inside. We walked in silence before we reached Grissom's office door.

"I'll be right here, okay?" Warrick asked as he sat down in an empty chair outside the office.

I nodded as he settled in, finding comfort in the soft smile of confidence he offered me. I used the given confidence to knock softly on the door, hoping that the casual "Come in" that came from inside the room wouldn't chase everything I had just assembled inside me away.

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A/N Okay so...please forgive me...i know i said that they were going to talk in this chapter. I am sorry, but now i can REALLY promise you that they will talk in the next chapter...and i promise you i will try to make it as good as possible because of the long wait. And thank you for your patience...i promise you next chapter...it will happed. Alright then...thank you for all the reviews!!


	5. So This Is How It's Going to Be?

A/N first off, i must start with asking all of you to forgive me...I know its been way to long since i updated and i am really sorry for were starting to catch up to me, so i had like zero time for anything which i think was the cause of my writters block. But i think i might be cured so updates should come more often. And secondly, i hope this chapter is all you have hoped it would be especially after the long wait. If it's not, i'm open to any suggestions that you could give me to make it better. Thanks you guys and enjoy!

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"Sara…what are you doing here?"

The surprise in his voice shook me a little bit, but I was able to gather myself quickly back together.

"We were supposed to talk before shift today…remember?" I was suddenly afraid for some reason and for a moment I thought that maybe what I was doing was a mistake. But then I remember Sofia and my aching heart and everything came back into focus. "I can come back later though…if you don't have time right now."

I watched his face carefully as I saw a flicker of an emotion I could not place. He recovered quickly though and smiled.

"No, of course not Sara…have a seat." He gestured with a hand to one of the two seats that sat in front of his cluttered desk.

I smiled tightly for it was suddenly the only thing I could manage. After I took my seat, Grissom gave me a hesitant smile…I couldn't return it.

"So what is this about? Is everything alright?" Suddenly concern painted Grissom's face. My heart jumped a little, but I took a deep breath and tried to make it stop.

"No…everything is fine…" I hesitated. This was going to be hard…I didn't want to hurt him but…and that's when it hit me. I was always so concerned for his feelings…never mine…that had to stop. "It's just that…I want Christmas off."

Grissom sat there for a moment before the concern on his face became more pronounced. "Sure Sara, but is everything alright? I mean are you sick? Is there something wrong with your mother?"

"No Grissom, it's nothing like that…" I was quick to reassure him…old habits die hard. "I just need a little time to…reprioritize some things, that's why I need to ask for more than just Christmas. I was thinking of taking a week or two actually…or maybe even indefinitely."

_Indefinitely?_ Did I just say that? When had I come up with _indefinitely? _It was less than twenty-four hours ago that I wasn't even sure I wanted more than Christmas off and now I was saying things like _indefinitely?_ This word-vomit was going to get me into trouble…I just knew it.

Grissom sat there…perplexed for a moment. I was waiting for his answer, hoping against all hope that he would just say yes and let me be on my way…of course, no such luck.

I watched as his face went from one of perplexed, to hurt, to anger all in about ten seconds…and then the worst of them all…the lingering accusation nestled deep within his beautiful blue eyes.

"Sara…this sounds oddly familiar. What kind of game are you playing now? Please tell me, because I would like to know what the rules are this time. Because you know…I need to know exactly how I'm supposed to tip toe around your emotions this time…"

I looked at him in complete and total shock. _What kind of game are you playing now?_ I didn't even know I had been playing a game. I was hurt to put it bluntly. I hadn't known that Grissom was "tip toeing" around my emotions. The way he had been acting, you would have thought he was taking to them with a wrecking ball.

"Grissom…I'm not playing any sort of game…I'm just asking for some time off…I know I have plenty of time stored up…"

Grissom cut me off, anger emitting so strongly off of him it was almost tangible.

"What have I done this time…huh Sara? What do I need to be punished for now?"

Where the hell was this coming from? One minute he's concerned about me…about my health…about my mother. And the next minute he's looking at me like I'm some sort of stupid child who's not worth his time.

The hurt I felt doubled, but with it my anger tripled.

"Grissom, I don't know what the hell you're talking about…all I want is a week or two off for ME! This has nothing to do you with…" I paused and looked at him for a moment. He was just sitting there, looking at me with anger…unjustified anger that all stemmed from a self-centered core. "You know Grissom…contrary to popular belief…the world doesn't revolve around you, I know this may come as a shock…but I'm sure that Sofia can help you get over that."

I watched with a sick sense of satisfaction as Grissom's face contorted into an emotion I didn't really care to place.

"Sara…you've got it all wrong…" Grissom began to say, but I didn't really what to be bothered with the words he would come up with now.

"Grissom…I don't care…it's your life…" What a lie that was, but I was on a roll, and I knew if I stopped now, I wouldn't be able to continue with the same conviction. "But I'm going to be taking a break whether you approve of it or not…you'll be the first to know if my plans change and I find something…new."

I nodded to myself, pleased that my voice had remained strong. I stood then and turned my back to him, ready to leave and get on with the night.

"Sara…you have to understand…" I heard Grissom's voice start from behind me.

"I think I do Grissom…I hope you respect my decisions now…and in the future…I promise I won't…stand in your way or…compromise anything for you…I'm done." My voice wasn't much more than a whisper and I was barely keeping it together. I felt like I was betraying myself in the worst way. Telling Grissom I was _done…_that I was _giving up_ and that I wouldn't _stand in his way_. Could I have ever told a worse lie? I would never be _done_ with Gilbert Grissom…not until my last breath and even then, I would still be his.

Once I had said what I knew had to be said, I left his office as quick as I could. And it wasn't until I felt Warrick's strong arms wrapped securely and tightly around me, that I allowed myself to lose it.

"Come on Sara…it'll be alright." Warrick softly crooned to me, as we walked to somewhere, Warrick was leading the way.

Before I knew it, I was being sat down on a hard, cold bench. I looked up from Warrick's chest and I looked around. We were in the locker room. Warrick was looking down at me with anxious worry.

"Sara…I don't meant to belittle your feelings in any way, but shift is going to start in a couple of minutes…I need to know if you're going to be…alright," He and I both cringed at the word "or if you want me to take you home."

Warrick must have lost his mind, and I must have looked at him like I thought he had because he sighed heavily before saying "Sara…no one will think any less of you if you take a night off…especially if you need it."

I defiantly wiped my eyes and stood up. "Warrick I am perfectly fine to work…we need to catch this sick bastard…taking a night off won't help me at all…I need to work."

Warrick gave me a wary look before nodding. "Knowing you, you would probably be worse off at home…and this way I can keep an eye on you I suppose…"

"Warrick, I am not a little child…I'm alright…I don't know why you're making such a fuss…"

Warrick gave me another look, one that said 'You're not fooling anyone sweetheart'.

"Alright, but I'm here if you need me, if you need anything at all, just say the word," Warrick paused and looked me square in the eyes "And Sara…please don't be a martyr and suffer in silence…I'll kick his ass I swear to you and God that I will."

I sighed and the nodded my head 'yes' it was the only way Warrick would let me go.

"You have to promise me Sara." Warrick was looking me square in the eyes again, dead serious.

He waited for my answer and I knew that I would have to give him my word before he let me go.

"I promise." I said quietly.

Warrick smiled softly at me before wrapping his arm around my shoulder. "Alright then…let's go catch ourselves a killer."

I sighed and rolled my eyes as Warrick steered me out of the locker room. Yeah, this was going to be a long night…and long and unpleasant night

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A/N #2 So there it is guys, thank you again for all your patience and all your reviews!


	6. Long Night

A/N Okay guys...i am so so so so so so sooooooooooooooooooooo sorry for not updating in soooo long! Life just caught up to me and i had no time. Softball was keeping my extra extra busy as was school. But this is my last week and i'm almost done with my finals so i have more time. Plus i had really really bad writers block...it tends to happen when i'm stressed. But here is the next chapter. I tried to make it as good as possible...so forgive me if its not up to standard...i'll work on it. Thank you so much for being patient! And again i am soo sorry for the wait. And i know there is little GSR in this chapter, but i promise there will be more...and soon! Thanks!

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Catherine looked up at us from her seat at one of the layout tables. She had dark circles under her eyes and the light from the tables made her skin look gaunt and sickly. She rubbed her eyes for a moment before looking back at us with some resignation present.

"Alright guys…twenty minute brake, we're pulling another double, possible triple so if you need to go shower or nap or whatever…do it now." Catherine's voice was tired and strained like she was coming down with a cold.

"Hey, are you alright Catherine? Are you coming down with something?" Mark asked as he took a step back from the table.

Catherine shot him a glare "No! And you're wasting your break time standing here asking me these ridiculous questions…go!"

I faintly heard Mark mumble something that closely resembled the word 'bitch' but I couldn't be sure.

Jimmy agreed to stay with the evidence as long as Mark came back within ten minutes so they could split up their break. I was grateful to them because it would have been such a pain in the ass to have to put everything away only to have to take it right back out again.

I stood there for a moment, staring into nothing, before I felt a large, warm hand on my lower back. I looked to my left and found Warrick looking down at me with the same worried eyes he'd been holding all week.

"Sara…are you okay? Because if you're not I'm sure Catherine will understand…"

"Warrick, I'm absolutely fine. I just need some coffee and everything will be all good…trust me." I lied…I was not fine…coffee would not solve _all_ my problems. Only one thing…or person could make this…make me alright and he was currently with another woman, doing only God knows what.

Warrick looked at me with an expression that said _Don't bullshit me Sara Sidle, I see right through your tough façade. _He dropped the subject though and instead went on to say "Alright then, let's go get you some coffee."

I smiled appreciatively and followed Warrick out of the layout room and into the almost deserted halls.

The people from days would be arriving within the hour, which would mean that Sofia would be here soon too. Grissom would probably come in early as well, not only because that's what he always did, but because he had a reason to now…and her name was Sofia Curtis.

When Warrick and I got to the break room, we joined Catherine at the table. She had already poured us both a cup of coffee and had both cups waiting for us on the table.

"Thanks Catherine." I said as I tried to stifle a yawn.

I sat down next to her and Warrick sat across from me. We all sat in a comfortable silence, enjoying the time we had to be looking at something other than evidence strew on a brightly lit table. Mark and Jimmy soon joined us and with their arrival went the silence.

"Damn this is a tough one!" Jimmy said rather animatedly as he sat down next to Warrick.

"Yeah I don't know how many more 'doubles, possible triples' I can pull." Mark commented as he sat down next to me, sipping coffee.

"Don't worry guys, we can only work doubles for the next few days…or so Grissom tells me." Catherine said with a relatively deep frown. "Aren't one of you supposed to be with the evidence?"

I missed their response as my stomach did a weird flip and I felt slightly sick at the mention of _his_ name. I knew I was being ridiculous, but I didn't know how to tell my body to stop reacting.

Catherine stood up and walked to the sink where she put her coffee mug. She turned to all of us and said "Ten more minutes, then I want all of you back in the layout room."

No one responded but Catherine didn't stay for an answer anyways.

It was silent again; Mark and Jimmy seemingly lost in thought…which was weird for the both of them.

"What do you say me and you have a little sleep over?" Warrick asked looking at me.

I sighed deeply. I knew what he wanted; he wanted to make sure I didn't do anything stupid. He wanted to make sure I showered and fed myself properly and that I got enough sleep.

"Warrick, I'm a big girl…I can take care of myself."

"I know, but we haven't hung out in a while and…it would put my mind greatly at ease if you would just indulge me…just this once." Warrick was giving me his 'puppy dog face', the one he knew I couldn't say no too.

I sighed once more before saying "Fine…just this once I suppose."

Warrick looked baffled for a moment "What? That's all the fight I'm getting out of you?"

"Warrick…I'm too tried to fight anymore." I said the words before I could process them. Warrick's eyes flashed to panic before he could catch himself. He tried to compose himself before I could notice but I did.

"Let's go Sara…Catherine's waiting for us." Warrick said in his controlled, emotionless voice. Apparently my lack of fight was alarming to him. I couldn't blame him though, I suppose I hadn't been acting like myself at all lately…and I guess that could be concerning.

Mark and Jimmy both groaned as they stood up with me. I walked over to Warrick while Mark and Jimmy both dragged their feet out of the room and down the hall towards the dreaded layout room.

Warrick wrapped one of his arms around my shoulders and together we walked out of the break room and towards the lay out room.

When we got there everything was still laid out and ready to be put together.

Catherine, Mark, and Jimmy were all huddled along the end of one of the tables, looking intently at something.

"What have you got guys?" Warrick asked as he walked to where the stood.

"Nothing!" Catherine exclaimed.

"What? What do you mean 'nothing'" Warrick asked as he too looked at the picture.

"I mean _nothing_. We have_ nothing_. We're looking at_ nothing!_" Catherine all but yelled as she threw her hands in the air exasperatedly.

Oh, it was going to be such a…_pleasant _night, I could just feel it in my bones. I went to stand with the rest of my co-workers, so I too could stare at_ nothing._

"Well what about this?" I asked as I took two of the photos in my hand. "Look at these two photos…what do you see?"

Catherine gave out a frustrated sigh but I heard Mark breathe out a faint "Wait a minute…"

"Catherine…she's right…there's something here! Take a look…I can't believe we didn't see this before!" Mark exclaimed excitedly as he passed the two photos to Catherine, who looked skeptical at best.

After a few seconds, Catherine's eyes grew wide and she brought one of the photos closer to her face, before doing the same with the other.

"Oh my God…how did we miss this!" She exclaimed before laying the two photos down so Jimmy and Warrick could see it.

"Is that a…is that a letter is both of their hands?" Jimmy asked in disbelief.

"Where is the evidence log?" Warrick asked as he began to walk around the room looking for the log.

"How…how could we have missed this? I…I can't believe this!" Catherine began to run her hands through her hair and look around her frantically.

"Way to go Sara…nice catch!" Jimmy said as he came around the table to give me a light hug.

"I found it!" Warrick exclaimed as he pulled the evidence log out of a box.

Warrick laid the log out on one of the tables and began looking through it. We all went to stand around him…eager for any break we could get.

"Here! It's here!" Warrick practically yelled as he left the book, abandoned, and began to go through the boxes of evidence.

Catherine went through the evidence log as well before turning to watch Warrick's frantic search.

After a few minutes Warrick suddenly stops. He reaches further into one of the boxes and pulls out two evidence bags. "Here…these are them…these are the letters. How could this have missed out attention?" He asks as he stares at the evidence bags as if they were some rare artifact worth millions.

The room is silent as we stare at the letters before Catherine snaps out of her trance and says "Well let's take a look at them! Put them down Warrick!"

Warrick slowly puts both letters down on an empty spot on the table and backs away to stand next to me. Catherine walks towards the letter with an almost eager hunger in her eyes.

She picks up one of the bags and rips open the evidence tape before taking the letter slowly out of the bag. She sets it down on the table before looking up at us expectantly.

"Well…come on now…get to work!"

We all jumped and then dove right into analyzing the two letters. By the end of the hour we had two possible names to ID two of our five victims –all we needed was confirmation from DNA- and a possible motive.

"Alright guys…I think it's time we call a quits. I'm just going to run these down to trace, but you guys can go." Catherine said as she looked up from the letters. She looked tired but driven; the discovery of the letters had put a new fire underneath her.

Warrick turned to me and said "Alright girl…how about me and you get the hell out of here?"

I tried to smile and said "Yeah…I think it's time to go home."

Warrick's face went to mock hurt "What! No sleep over tonight?"

This time I had to laugh "Nope…I think I need to get home and sleep in my own bed."

"How about if I stay with you…crash on your couch?"

I sighed, knowing that arguing would be pointless. "Fine."

Warrick grinned in triumph as we walked out of the layout room together. He pulled me into him as we walked to the locker room.

I had to admit, that I was in a little bit of a better mood than I had been when I first started the day off. The work we had done had taken most of my mind off of Grissom and I had almost been able to forget him…with _her._

We got our things and then started to head out. We walked with our arms linked together as Warrick chatted animatedly.

I found myself smiling despite myself and laughing as Warrick planned our day. But my smile was wiped off my face when I saw Grissom and Sofia walking in together…smiling and laughing, Grissom's hand possessively laid on Sofia's lower back.

I looked away from them both and tried to ignore them. But Grissom had other plans.

"Warrick! You heading home?" Grissom called, stopping in the middle of the hallway with his hand still on Sofia…ignoring me.

"Yeah…_we_ are. Just finished our triple." Warrick said with a smile, putting extra emphasis on the _we._

Grissom's smile faltered as his eyes darted from Warrick, to me, and then to our arms linked closely together.

"Oh…" He said lamely. I looked away from him again, not wanting to look at his hard, cold eyes. "Well then…I'll see you tonight at the beginning of shift?"

"Of course, _we'll_ both be there."

Grissom nodded curtly before turning with his hand still on Sofia and walking away.

"I hope that man gets his head out of his ass soon…or I might have to do it for him." Warrick said with poorly masked anger.

"Warrick…please." I said in a whisper, I was near tears for some reason…and it was really upsetting me that I would let Grissom and Sofia get to me like that. It's not like he ever belonged to me anyways.

Warrick looked down at me with eyes that held pity and for the third time in less than five minutes I had to look away from someone.

"Should we order take out then?" He asked as we began walking again.


	7. Kinky Love Triangle

A/N Okay, so there's more grissom in this chapter i swear! And this chapter sets up the next chapter for even more Grissom/Sara. I hope you like it! Tell me what you think! Thank you so much for you reviews!

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"Sara! Get up! We're going to be late!"

I groaned into my pillow. There was no way I was getting up right now, no matter what Warrick said or did. I was so tired…I was so mentally and emotionally drained I don't think I could have functioned even if I wanted to.

"Yeah Sara…get your ass out of that bed!"

Damn, I had forgotten that Warrick had invited Nick over. I heard my bedroom door open, and then two hushed voices from the doorway.

"What should we do to her?" I heard Nick whisper from the door.

"I don't know…pour cold water on her?" Warrick whispered back his answer.

"Dump ice on her?"

"Tell her Grissom's finally come around and that Sofia…"

"So help me God…if you two do any of those things, you will never see the light of day again!" I said as I rolled over onto my back.

"Yeah right…" Nick started.

"You have five seconds to get out of my room." I said, feeling ten times better than I did when I had gone to bed.

"She wouldn't…" Warrick said with an unsure voice.

"One…two…three…" I started to count.

"She would! Come on man…lets go wait outside!" Nick said as he grabbed Warrick and then closed the door quickly behind him.

I slowly sat up in my bed and looked at the clock. I groaned when I realized I only had fifteen minutes to get ready. I threw the covers off of myself and headed for the shower. I could hear Nick and Warrick talking in the kitchen on my way, but I didn't stop and listen.

I really didn't want to go to work tonight. I really didn't want to have to sit there and watch Sofia make herself at home in Grissom's office. And I really didn't want to have to sit there and watch Grissom as he let her make herself at home in his office.

As the scalding hot water cascaded down my back, I made all the tension leave my body; even if it was for just a couple of minutes. I couldn't wait until I left for my vacation. It would give me some time to clear my head and get my life in order. As bad as it sounded, if Grissom really was hooking up with Sofia, I didn't want to be around anymore. If it came down to it, I had been made a couple offers from other crime labs around the country and even some FBI agencies. It wouldn't take long for me to pack up and leave…it probably wouldn't take long for me to be forgotten either.

As I stepped out of the shower, I took some time to take a good look at myself in the mirror. I was thin…thinner than I had thought I was. There were dark circles under my eyes that made it look as if I hadn't slept in ages. My brown eyes looked dull…they looked resigned, and I suppose that deep down inside, I was.

I walked back to my room wrapped in my bath robe. I quickly combed through my hair and I threw on my usual work clothes. When I was done I walked out into the kitchen were Nick and Warrick were still talking.

"Hey Girly, are you ready to go?" Nick asked as he stood up from his seat.

I nodded my head as I picked up my purse.

"Hey, you don't mind going with Nick do you Sara? I have to stop by my place to get a few things." Warrick said with an apologetic look.

"No, not at all. I feel bad for keeping you here anyways." I said with a slight smile.

"You didn't _keep_ me here; I wanted to be here, okay?" Warrick said as he walked up to me and gave me a big hug, the kind that made your back crack.

When he let me go I rolled my eyes but nodded all the same. We walked out of my apartment and down to the parking garage. Warrick walked to his car, while I followed Nick to his.

Once we were on the road Nick turned to me with a serious face before turning his eyes back to the road and saying "You know Sara, I'm sorry I haven't been around so much. You're like my sister, and I can't stand to see you this way." I opened my mouth to interrupt, but Nick pressed on. "Grissom's gonna pay one way or another. He's interested Sara…believe me he is, but that man has his head so far up his ass he can't see the amazing and wonderful thing he has right in front of him. So Warrick and I are going to…mess around with him a little bit…but we need you on board to make it work…"

"What are you guys scheming now?" I asked a little exasperatedly. To be truthful, I was ready to throw in the towel and walk away so I could lick my wounds in privet. But after Warrick's little display in the diner and then when we were leaving the lab earlier today…I had a feeling I knew what they wanted.

"We want to make him think that…he's lost. That you're not just waiting around for him, that you're moving on and that he's well…lost…no offense Sara. But we're going off of the philosophy that 'you don't know what you've got until it's gone'. It'll shake him up and make him think twice…he'll come around…and then when he does, and he will…we'll make the old man beg…"

"Nick, as fun as that sounds…and awful I might add…I'm done, I'm throwing in the preverbal towel…I just want to get away from all of this."

Nick sighed heavily before saying "Warrick said you might say something like that…that's why we're not going to let you."

"Are you saying you're forcing me to do this?" I asked with a slight chuckle.

"Yeap." Nick said as he popped the 'p'.

I laughed and said "Well then, I don't have much of a choice than do I?"

"Nope." Nick said, popping the 'p' again. "We have what, about a week to make this work before you leave for your vacation?"

I nodded my head 'yes' and said "I'm leaving either way though…I need a vacation."

"I agree with you there sweetie…but hopeful someone will be accompanying you."

I laughed and said "Not a chance in hell."

Nick game me an indulgent nod before saying "We'll see."

We pulled into the lab parking garage and got out of the car. Nick had parked somewhere near the door that led into the lab.

"And operation 'Get Gilbert Grissom's Head Out of His Ass' starts…now" Nick said quickly before he reached down and tightly clasped my hand in his.

"Nick what the…" I began, but Nick shot me a look and gave me a 'shhh' before he continued to walk on.

I had no idea what he was doing until I heard another set of footsteps behind us.

"You two are late." I heard a hard and familiar voice say behind us.

"Sorry Boss Man…late night." Nick said as he turned us around, with a very believable shit-eating grin on his face.

Grissom's face soured immediately as he took in our clasped hands and Nick's grin.

"Where's Warrick?" He asked tersely as he eyed me suspiciously.

"He had to stop by his place before he came in." I said before I could stop myself.

Grissom's eyes widened a little bit and I could see the detective wheels in his brain turning.

"I see…do you know when he'll be in?" He asked, his eyes narrowing a little.

"Yeah, he said he would only be about fifteen minutes late…and I'm sure with the triple these two just pulled it should be no big deal." Nick said with his best Texas charmer smile on.

"No I suppose not…but why are you late?" Grissom was catching on to whatever it was that Nick wanted him to believe. Which, I'm sure he wanted Grissom to think that the three of us had some kinky little love triangle going on. And from the looks of it, Grissom believed everything Nick had wanted.

"I was waiting for Sara…I tried to get her up earlier, but man…this beautiful woman sleeps like the dead!" Nick said chuckling. It wasn't true…I never slept like the dead. On the contrary, I was quite the light sleeper.

For a split second a look of hurt flashed across Grissom's face, but he quickly composed himself and nodded. But Nick couldn't leave it at that.

"So why are you out here so late Boss Man?"

Grissom looked long and hard at Nick before saying "It's none of your business." He quickly walked past us after that and then all but stomped into the lab.

Nick started laughing as soon as Grissom was out of earshot. "Oh man! Did you see that? He was eating right out of our hands!"

I smiled weakly. I knew what he had been doing out here. He had been saying good-bye to Sofia. Days shift had just ended not too long ago and it wasn't an unreasonable time for her to be leaving.

"Sara? What's wrong sweetie? We don't have to do this if you don't want to…"

I shook my head and stared at the door he had just gone through. "No…no it's not that…it's just…"

"Just what honey?" Nick asked, concern growing in his voice.

"The reason he was out here…was to say good-bye to Sofia…to walk her to her car and say good-bye…to say that he'll see her later, that he can't wait for whatever it is that they have planed together…"

"Oh Sara…come on sweetie. We'll make this work, I promise. We'll make that man feel like shit for the way he's treated you. We'll make him see the light of day and then take it all away from him and make him beg on his hands and knees to get it back." Nick said as he grasped my shoulders and then pulled me into him for a back breaking hug.

"You know Nicolas Stokes…you have a very sadistic mind." I laughed into his shoulder. It was true…I never knew Nick to be capable of this…or Warrick for that matter.

"Yes well…when someone messes with the people I love…they get the horns." Nick said as he let me go and made bull horns on his head.

I laughed then…really laughed. Nick laughed to as his hands dropped to his side. He clasped my hand in his again and we walked into the lab together, still laughing.


	8. The Stares You Can't Control

A/N I am sorry it's taking me so long to update in between chapters. And I'm sorry this chapters a little short, but the next one should be longer. I hope you all like the direction the stories going in, but i am open for suggestions if there's anything you guys would like to see. And thanks for the reviews!

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"Cookie? What are you doing here?"

"Can't a girl just stop by and see her old man?" For all intents and purposes Brass was my father. He was the closest thing I'd ever had.

"Of course! It's just I haven't seen you at my door in a while." I hung my head in shame. I had been neglecting Jim to deal with my own problems. But that was a stupid excuse, because Jim could help me with anything.

"I know…and I'm sorry…things have just been…stressful." I said trying to place my words correctly.

Jim's smile tightened a bit; like he knew something that he didn't want me to know he knew.

"Have a seat Cookie…sit and talk with me."

I didn't hesitate to take a seat in front of his desk. He smiled warmly at me and said "I've been worried about you."

"When are you ever not worried about me?" I asked obvious exasperation in my voice. I was trying my hardest to cover up the real need for someone to understand.

"That maybe true, but I'm more worried than I normally am." Jim's face was the picture of concern.

"This is about what you've heard about Grissom…and me." I said looking down at my hands.

Jim sighed deeply. "Forgive me Sara…I know you don't like to talk about it, but the man's a real ass. Friend or not…you come first and he's been a real hypocrite, treating you like he has and all."

I looked down at my hands. "Don't be upset with him because of me…I couldn't stand if I was the reason you two fought...I'm not worth that."

I heard Brass sigh heavily before saying "You are too worth it…I wish you could understand that. I know that Grissom fails to see that…sorry I know it hurts but Sofia? Really?"

Brass's words ignited an anger in me that I didn't quite understand. "And you know what the real kicker is?" Brass seemed to subconsciously lean closer at my finally opening up about the subject "he once told me that dating someone you worked with is inappropriate and not worth the risk…I'm not worth the risk…but Sofia is."

I looked up to see Brass's angry eyes staring intently back at me. "I'll kill him…I can make it happen…I know people…"

"Brass please…don't…don't get all worked up on my part. I don't need him finding out so he can bring more shit down on my head."

We were silent for a while before Brass said "I heard that you're taking an indefinite leave of absence once the holidays roll around."

I nodded my head yes.

"Are you going to be leaving the state for awhile?"

I again nodded my head yes.

"Will you be looking for new jobs while you're gone?"

I looked up at him before I nodded my head yes once again.

"Why didn't you tell me about this? Why did I have to find it out from Warrick and Grissom?"

I looked up at him once more with pleading eyes. I couldn't stand it if Brass was mad at me, even if I did deserve it for my own foolishness.

"I was afraid…that if I talked to you about it…you would try to talk me out of it, and if you did…I was afraid that I wouldn't be strong enough to say no." I said in a small voice.

"Of course I would try to talk you out of it!" I could feel my face contort before Brass quickly continued "But I think you're right…sometime away from here…from this place, might do you some good. And if you do find a new job out there, then…I'll support you no matter what."

"Thank you Jim." I whispered.

"Can I come visit you…wherever it is that you're going?"

I could feel a smile pull at my lips. "Of course you can! I expect you too!"

I saw Jim brake out into a smile too. "So when are you leaving?"

"As soon as this case is over, but that might be awhile. Christmas is in a week, so after this I can't start anything new."

Jim nodded his head "So soon?"

"They'll manage…they did when Eklie suspended me…they will again. I have to talk with him I suppose…tell him he might want to start looking for my replacement…I'm sure he'll be thrilled to hear this."

Jim gave me a tight smile. He'd never liked Eklie. We sat in comfortable silence before Jim's face broke out into a grin and he got that wicked look in his eyes.

"So word on the street is that you have a thing with Warrick…and Nick…together."

I groaned loudly. So it already made its full circle around the lab and now everyone knew. There were probably other rumors out there about us, graphic ones at that, but then again that's exactly what Warrick and Nick had wanted.

"You heard? Who told you?"

Jim chose to ignore my question and continue on teasing. He knew it wasn't true, probably knew that it was all Nick and Warrick's idea and that I had hardly any say in the matter.

"So when were you going to tell me? Cookie, you know it's my job to grill any guy…or guys you take interest in…I'm starting to feel left out of your life." Jim put on the fakest pout I'd ever seen as he barely controlled his laughter.

"Oh shut up!"

"Ouch! Cookie, I'm only looking out for you here…you know it's my job to…" It was at that point that he couldn't hold back his laughter anymore.

"I'm leaving now." I said as I got up from my seat, frustrated with Brass.

"Okay…you be sure to tell Nick and Warrick…I'll be watching them." He continued to laugh as I left his office.

"Sara! There you are! I've been looking all over for you!"

I turned to see Catherine walking quickly towards me.

"You could have called or paged." I said as she got closer.

"I did, you didn't answer." She said slightly out of breath.

I frown and took out my phone. The battery was dead.

"We got a break." Catherine beamed at me "Bobby was able to confirm two of our victims. But that's not the best part!"

"Well spit it out!" I said, happy that our hard work was finally paying off.

"We found a hair! Or rather Doc did, but still, we have a name!"

I was suddenly filled with excitement. This case was going somewhere all of the sudden and soon…I would be out of here.

"That's great!" I said as we began to walk.

"Oh and Sara…don't worry…I know what's really going on." Catherine smiled a little wickedly at me, like she had been in on it too and I couldn't help the groan that escaped this time.

"I didn't want this! It wasn't my idea!" I said as we passed the labs. Everyone stopped what they were doing to look at me.

Catherine laughed as she noticed the people staring. "I know Sara…you know even though Gil is my friend, he is being a total ass to you and I really don't like Sofia. When Warrick told me about this, I thought it was one of the most awesome and funniest ideas the two of them have ever had. And the name they've give it 'Operation Get Gilbert Grissom's Head Out of His Ass'…hilarious!"

"Well I'm glad someone thinks it's funny, because I sure as hell don't…Nick and I ran into Grissom in the garage this morning, he didn't think it was so funny either."

Catherine's face became serious as we neared the break room. "We'll talk about this in the car."

I groaned again as we stepped into the room where Nick, Warrick, Greg, and unfortunately Grissom all sat.

They all looked up at us when we entered. Nick and Warrick broke out into identical grins as they stood up from their seats. They both quickly walked over to us…or I should say me and each took a turn in kissing me on the cheek before looking at Catherine expectantly.

I chanced a glance at Grissom who did not look pleased at all. In fact he looked downright angry.

"So where are we going Catharine?" Warrick asked.

"We're going to find a Jackie Rivers who was engaged to one of our victims…her hairs were found on him. I already called Jimmy and Mark; they're going to meet us there."

"Alright…let's roll." Nick said with a smile on his face.

Catherine nodded and walked out ahead of us. I went to follow her, but Nick and Warrick had other plans. They each wrapped an arm around my waist and we all walked out together, much to my displeasure. I vaguely heard Greg mumble 'Lucky bastards.'

They walked me through the lab like that, and everyone stared again. When we made it to the garage Catherine turned around and gave them a harsh stare.

"We'll be taking spate cars." She said as she looked meaningfully at the

"But why?" Nick asked looking confused.

"Because I said so that's why." Catherine said as she put her hands on her hips. A sigh that she was gearing up for battle, and battle that Nick and Warrick knew they would lose.

They nodded and walked off to a nearby Tahoe, while Catherine and I got in the one nearest us.

Once Catherine had pulled out of the lab parking lot I turned to her and asked "What was that all about? Why did they have to take separate cars?"

Catherine sighed heavily "Because…there's something we need to talk about…something you need to know."

Fear flooded my veins like cold ice "What is this about Catherine?"

"Grissom came to see me this morning…after he ran into you and Nick…we talked. You need to know what's going on…what we talked about…"

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A/N #2 Okay sorry for the cliffie. But i had to do it. Review and let me know what you think!


	9. Scared Out of My Mind

If the look Catherine was giving me was any indication of how this conversation would go, it wouldn't be going well. My heart and I were in a shit load of trouble…I knew that much right off the bat.

"What do you mean Catherine? What did Grissom say to you? What's going on?" I asked trying my best to keep my rising panic out of my voice.

"Well…I don't know where to start." Catherine said as she shot me a nervous glance. Agitation was slowly out weighing the panic. If Catherine had wanted to talk and then bail out she shouldn't have approached the subject matter the way she did. I was going to hit her if she didn't start talking.

"How about you start at the beginning?" I asked trying to help her straighten out her thoughts.

Catherine nodded and was silent for a moment before she began. "I was in my office when he found me. He wasn't happy and he looked quite…frazzled for lack of a better word. I asked him what was wrong and he said he needed to talk…he said things were getting out of control and he didn't know what to do, he said he needed my help.

"We sat down and before I knew what was happening, his mouth was movie a mile a minute and he was spewing his guts out for me. He was angry…there was a not a doubt about it…but he looked a little wounded too."

I could just see it now…like I was actually there. I sat back and closed my eyes…letting the story unfold behind my eye lids as Catherine told her tale.

_Catherine sits at her desk frowning disapprovingly at the pile of paper work that sits before her. This case is turning out to be tougher than she had anticipated and what's worse is that there is nothing to go one. Hardly any leads…and what's worse is that her team seems to be tiring. _

_She takes a deep breath before reaching for one of the files. She knows that she team is capable of finding a lead…if there is one at all, and that if they really needed her, they'd come find her. _

_She opens up the file and hunkers down for a long night, but she never gets the chance to start. Grissom comes barging into her office, looking thoroughly pissed off. _

_Catherine looks up at him, startled. He paces the short room of her office before turning to look at her._

"_I need to talk to you." He says a little out of breath and through clenched teeth. _

"_Okay…why don't you have a seat?" Catherine asks as she gestures to a seat that sits in front of her desk. She's confused and a little bit worried. _

_Grissom takes a seat and fidgets a little before fixing Catherine with an intense gaze._

"_Now…you want to tell me what this is about Gil?" Catherine asks, a little anxious to get this over with._

_Grissom is silent for a moment of two before he starts talking "Did you know that Sara and Warrick have a 'thing' together? I mean…do you know if they're together?" _

_The question startled her, yes she had known that Warrick was trying to get an image of him and Sara out there…so Grissom would notice. She knew that there was no truth to this in reality…but Grissom didn't need to know that. _

"_Yes I suppose I did know that they had a 'thing' as you call it, together." Catherine almost felt bad for the man._

"_How long?" Grissom asks angrily._

"_I don't know," And she doesn't, she doesn't know what Warrick wants Grissom to think, but she wings it anyways "For about a month I suppose." _

_Catherine can see Grissom's anger build some, but she also sees some remorse and regret. _

"_Do you know anything about Sara and Nick? Do they have a 'thing'? Does Warrick know about it?" _

_Catherine is baffled for two reasons. One is that she didn't know that Warrick and Nick were going to follow through with their plan and if they did she didn't think Sara would go for it. And two, Grissom was never one for office gossip, and that he should take an interest now and about this subject makes her think that Warrick and Nick's plan might just be working._

"_Yes…I do know about Nick and Sara. I suppose you could say they have a 'thing' together. And yes Warrick does know about it, we've talked together about this very thing." Catherine says calmly, waiting for a reaction._

_Grissom gawks. "You knew!" _

"_Of course I knew!" Catherine exclaims, she's a little offended. She knows everything before the people involved know themselves. "I have to admit though…I never took Sara for that type…or Nick and Warrick for that matter."_

"_For what type? What do you mean?" Grissom asks as if he's about to pull out his hair. Catherine smiles…let him, she thinks._

"_For the sharing type I suppose. I never thought Nick and Warrick would be willing to share a woman…together but they are…and they enjoy it from what I hear. And Sara…I always took her for the 'one man' type of girl…the monogamous type…but from what they've told me, they don't share with anyone else…just each other…its quite kinky actually." _

_Catherine knows she had hammered the final nail in the coffin. Grissom always thought he was too old for Sara…even if he was in love with her. And this would either light the fire under him to fight for her…or drive him to finally leave her the hell alone and stop hurting her. Because as much as she loved Gil Grissom, Sara had become a friend of hers…and she did not want to stand and watch her get hurt anymore. _

_Grissom is quite for some time before Catherine vaguely hears him mumble "I really am too late." He looks up at her before saying "Do you know anything about the time off she's taking?" _

_Catherine doesn't know whether to lie or tell the truth, because in truth…she knows everything about the time Sara is taking off. Or at least she knows more than most…she suspects the guys know more than her…and Jim more than all of them. _

"_Yes…I know something about it, why?" She asks. She wants Grissom to admit he needs to know about what's going on with her…that he cares. She wants him to go after her…she wants him to drop all of this Sofia business. _

"_Why is she going Catherine? Will she be going for good? The lab needs her." Well there's a start, she thinks. She can live with that and go off of it…she's determined to get him to admit that he needs her. _

"_She needs some time Gil. A lot has happened to her recently…she needs somewhere to think. And there is a very real possibility that she'll be leaving for good…that she might not come back from her trip. Anything more and you'll need to ask her. I've already over stepped the bounds of our friendship by telling you some of this." _

_Grissom nods his head in understanding. "She's moving on isn't she?" He asks somewhat fearfully. _

"_Yes…I believe so." Catherine says in a voice just above a whisper._

_Grissom is silent again before looking at Catherine with empty eyes. "There's something you need to know, and I want you to know before the grape vine puts its own spin on it." _

_Catherine nods, hopeful that he's about to tell her he's going after Sara…that he's going to fight for her. She wants to be able to have done her part to help them get together and be together…like they belong._

"_Alright, go ahead." Catherine says somewhat eagerly. _

_Grissom sighs before saying "Sofia and I are dating…I wanted you to know before you found it out…from someone other than me. I hope you respect me and Sofia on this…I just need…"_

_Catherine doesn't give him the chance to respond. She's angry with him…he has his head on ass backwards. _

"_I'm sorry Grissom…but I have somewhere I need to be right now." Catherine says coolly. _

"_But Catherine…"Grissom starts, but he doesn't get the chance to finish_

"_I trust you can see yourself out…page me if you need me for anything." She says before she walks out of her office and down the hall before Grissom can even react. _

"Sara? Sara…are you alright?" The voice seemed far away to me and I can't think of where it could be coming from. "Sara…can you hear me?"

I suddenly opened my eyes. I was in Catherine's Tahoe and she had just got done telling me a story. One that was horrible in every way possible. It was over…the dream of me and him together. He had moved on…and I had to it would seem. My heart shattered more than I ever thought possible.

"Sara…are you alright?" Catherine's voice reached me finally and I turned to look at her.

"Yeah…I'm fine…why wouldn't I be?" I asked as I hoped she would just drop the subject.

She didn't. "But Sara…"

"Catherine please…just, can we not talk about this…right now? I can't…I just…can't." I said as I dropped my head back on the head rest and turned to look out the window.

"Of course we can." She said with more worry in her voice than I'm sure she intended to let on.

The rest of the ride is silent. When we finally arrive at our destination, an unkempt house, Catherine turns and looks at me with honest and sad eyes.

"You're not coming back are you?"

"I don't know Cath…maybe…maybe not." I said honestly. It was the truth. Even though this news about Grissom and Sofia should have sealed the deal and pushed me to run away, I wasn't sure if I wanted to yet.

"Alright." She accepted my answer and got out of the Tahoe.

I followed suit and went to the back to grab my kit. The four of us came to stand in front of our trucks as a few police officers went ahead to knock on the door and present the search warrant. When there was no answer they pulled out their guns and busted down the doors. We followed cautiously behind them, our own weapons drawn. But I stopped walking as soon as I saw the tragedy that was displayed in the living room.

The woman we had come for lay dead in the middle of her living room floor, face down in a pool of her own blood. But worst of all…in the corner sat a little girl no older than ten. She was shaking and sobbing and she looked scared out of her mind.

A man walked into the living room, he had come from the back of the house somewhere. His shirt was bloodied but so were his hands and arms and even his face. He wore a mean and menacing scowl that told us we were not welcome in this house.

But all I saw was me…my mother standing over my father with a bloodied knife and me…cowering in the corner of a closet…scared out of my mind.

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A/N Okay so here it is. I hope you guys liked it. A little spoiler there's a big confrontation coming up. Leave me a review and let me know what you thought. Thanks guys!


	10. I'll Be Gone

A/N Please forgive me for how long its been taking for me to update. I start to write the next chapter right away and then i get a really bad case of writers block. I'm trying my hardest to fix that problem.

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I don't know how I ended up in the Denali, or how Warrick and Nick ended up by my side as Catherine drove like a bat out of hell, or how Jim ended up in front of us with the lights on his squad car on.

"Why are Jim's lights on?" I whispered out.

"Sara? Sara…are you alright?" Nick's urgent voice came from beside me.

I looked over at him as I slowly sat up, Nick and Warrick each putting a hand on me to ensure my stability.

"Of course Nicky…why wouldn't I be?" I asked. _Why wouldn't I be? _What did I think they were? Stupid? No, they knew…Brass had to have let them in on some part of my little secret. He had to explain it someway.

"Sara…cut the bullshit." Warrick said sternly.

I looked at him and then at Nick, not willing to say anything else until they told me what they knew. I would not go spilling my guts…the fear of my past would not let me.

"We know honey…we know what happened…not everything, but enough." Nick's soft and soothing voice came from besides me. He placed a comforting hand on my shoulder and began to run slow and tender circles.

"We love you Sara…all of us. Never forget that." Warrick said softly this time. I looked into his eyes and saw all the kindness and warmth I had been missing in my youth. I looked to Nick's eyes and saw the same thing. It made me sad to know that I would be leaving this and soon too.

"Sara…we're going to take you back to the lab, let you get your things. Then one of the guys are going to take you home…don't worry about Grissom. I'll deal with him…either that or Brass will. And if you're not feeling up to it…don't come in tomorrow, we can manage a day without you." Catherine's kind and motherly voice reached me from the front seat.

I felt so small sitting there in-between Nick and Warrick. I felt scared and small, something I hadn't felt in a while.

We pulled up into the lab parking lot all too soon. Nick helped me out of the car while Warrick got out to go talk with Brass. Catherine followed Warrick and the three of them quickly put their heads together in hushed conversation. They were planning something…and it filled my heart with dread.

Nick walked with me into the lab, his hand protectively placed on my lower back. He didn't stop walking until we reached the locker room.

He turned and faced me, putting both of his hands on my shoulders. When he spoke, he spoke in hushed, soft tones.

"Listen to me Sara. I have to stop by the layout room real quick. I want you to go in there, get your stuff and wait for me. I know you don't like being treated like you're five…but please, do it for me. It'll put my mind at ease. I'll only be about five minutes."

I nodded my head and Nick gave me a soft smile. "I'll be back." He said before he leaned down and lightly kissed my check and then left walking quickly down the hall.

I turned to the locker room door and was about to open it when I heard my name harshly spoken.

"Sidle…a word!"

I didn't even have to turn around to know it was Grissom. I heard him come storming out of one of the offices that sat across from the locker room…one of the swing shift offices…_Sofia. _

I kept my back to him, not willing to let him see the vulnerability I knew was on my face. I had been defeated once tonight by my past…I didn't want to be defeated my present tonight either.

Grissom didn't seem to mind that I kept my back to him because he started yelling as soon as he reached me.

"I've put up with the holding hands, the _guys_ putting their hands on your back in an intimate way…the conversations and the jokes. But _whatever_ it is that you three have…_Keep. It. Out. Of. The. Lab!_ Kissing in the lab is unacceptable and the next time it happens…there will be consequences."

I could feel the bile rise in my throat as Grissom gave his little lecture, but I couldn't help but laugh at the last part. He couldn't do any further punishment to me…emotionally or career wise because I was getting the fuck out of here…and soon. But the way he had spoken to me…in the middle of the hall…where the whole entire fucking lab could hear him…raised a fierce anger in me…and I had to let him know what an asshole he was. I was _going_ to _make_ him feel like the asshole he was…even if it meant exposing my vulnerability.

I turned slowly to face him, letting my eyes come to rest on his. I saw the confusion first. I'm sure he was wondering why I had dry and dirty tear tracks on my cheeks. And I'm sure he was wondering at my defeated posture, because I was too. Then I saw the anger on his face crumble as concern washed over his features.

"Sara…are you okay?" His voice was unsure and I couldn't figure out why.

"No Grissom…I'm not." I said coolly, quite pissed off at him all of the sudden. My honest answer seemed to shock him.

"What happened?" He asked, his voice becoming more unsure.

"Ask Catherine…I'm sure she can tell you…" I really didn't want to break down in front of him. I didn't want him to know how weak I was.

"Sara…please…" Grissom started but was cut off by Nick.

"Sara! Are you ready to go?" Nick was hurrying down the hall, concern written all over him, even in the way he held himself.

"No, sorry…I haven't had the chance to go in…I think Grissom might have something to say to you though…"

I turned and walked into the locker room right as Nick started to yell at Grissom.

"_What the hell? I could hear you all the way down the hall; you have no idea what you're doing or what you're talking about!"_

I walked numbly to my locker. I opened it and stared at the picture that was on the inside of the team and me. It had been taken on a sunny day in the park one weekend. Nick had talked us all into having a BBQ…it was one of the best memories of Vegas I had.

I grabbed my purse and my jacket from one of the hooks inside and then closed the door. I turned and began to walk back out of the locker room.

Nick was still talking to Grissom when I walked out, but they stopped as soon as they saw me.

Apparently Nick had told Grissom what had happened, or at least some of what had happened, because Grissom's face looked ashamed and apologetic.

"Sara…I'm sorry…I didn't know…" Grissom began but I cut him off.

"Your rarely ever do Grissom," I knew that the cryptic message would leave him pondering for weeks; I turned to Nick "Nicky can we go home now?"

Nick turned to me and nodded his head "Of course we can sweetheart," Nick turned to look at Grissom, his face hardening. "Catherine is going to come by your office and talk to you…she'll be there in a few seconds…you might want to hurry up, and hope she doesn't bite your head off."

Nick put his hand on my back and gently steered me out of the lab. Once we were in the car Nick turned to me and asked the question I knew was at the forefront of his mind.

"Sara…what are you going to do now?"

I had given the question some serious thought and I knew what I had to do. I couldn't stay here in Vegas anymore, this place held nothing for me anymore. My past was alive and thriving here and my future didn't show any signs that that would change soon. I came to Vegas to chase love and when I got here love slammed the door in my face. Why I had stayed here this long was a mystery to me…that's not true. I stayed because of Jim, Nick, Warrick, Catherine, and Greg. I stayed for as long as I did because of them…and it would be hell to leave them. But I couldn't stay here anymore; I had spent the last couple years of my life looking out for everyone else, especially Grissom. It was time that I started looking out for me.

"I'm coming in tomorrow…to talk with Ecklie. I'm done…I can't be here anymore Nicky. I'll be gone before the sun sets tomorrow night no matter what Ecklie says…I'll be gone."


	11. Suprises In Conversation

A/N Okay guys, so I found that once I started school, inspirtation started to find me more often. I think this is weird because I always thought of school as a place that stomped out my inspiration. But I'm not complaining and I'm just going to go with it. I hope you guys enjoy this chapter!

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My apartment was empty. I had spent the entire night packing, not that there was much to pack. I guess I never really felt that Vegas was my home. There were boxes sitting by the front door for the movers to pick up in the morning.

All my furniture was staying, but there wasn't very much of that either. I guess I never really realized that my apartment looked and acted (I suppose) more as a hotel than I thought. All I really knew was that I was more than ready to check out.

I looked at the clock, suddenly realizing that I had to go. I was going into the lab to have a talk with Ecklie. As soon as what needed to be done, was done; I'd be driving to the airport and leaving. I was hoping to be in New York City before breakfast time tomorrow.

I had been offered a job with the New York Federal Bauru of Investigations, and I was taking it. I was starting in two days and I couldn't have been happier about that. Working with the FBI would be a change…something I desperately needed.

I had been offered the job a month ago, but I hadn't intended to be leaving Vegas a month ago. So, always keeping my options open, I told them I needed time to sit and think on it. They told me I had two months before I had to make a decision. They had been pleased when I decided to take the job, so had I.

I didn't have a place to live lined up yet, but I had a friend in New York who said they would be more than happy to have me visit with them for a few weeks. My things would stay in storage until I could find a suitable apartment.

Things were looking up…turning around.

I sighed heavily as I got to my feet. I took one last look at the clock before I went and grabbed my things off of the counter; my purse, my coat, and my carry-on. That's all I had left, I felt like it was all I had to show from my time in Vegas. I walked to the door and opened it, turning and taking one last look around the place I had once hoped to call home, it looked barren and deserted. I turned and left, closing the door firmly behind me, before I walked for the last time down the hallways of my apartment complex.

The ride to the lab seemed to literally fly by and before I knew it I was parked in my usual spot in front of the Las Vegas Crime Lab. I was early, more so than usual. Day shift was just winding down now and swing was getting ready to take over.

I walked into the lab with my head help high, ignoring Grissom and Sofia laughing merrily together as I passed Grissom's office. I soon found myself in front of Eklie's office. I thought I would be nervous, but instead I was just anxious to get this over with and leave.

I knocked determinedly on Eklie's door, only having to wait a few seconds for him to say 'Come in'.

I opened the door and walked in, never faltering in my steps.

"Ah, you're early Sidle." Ecklie said as he looked up from some paperwork on his desk "but I suppose I shouldn't have expected you to be on time."

I couldn't tell if he was being an ass or if he was just making a little joke. His warm smile told me it was a joke.

"Sorry, I'm not interrupting anything am I?" I asked, not sorry at all.

"No, not at all. Shut the door and sit down." He said before putting his signature on something and then putting it in a bin off to the side.

I did as he asked and took my seat.

He folded his hands on his desk and then said "Now, what is this about?"

I took a deep breath before saying "I don't really know how to say this, so I'm just going to say it. I quit."

Eklie was quite for a minute before calmly saying "Is this about yesterday?"

"You heard about that?" I asked. I was so beyond embarrassed and I was ready to put up my wall if Ecklie said anything harsh about it.

"There's not much I don't hear about in this lab. Such as your supposed dating of both CSI Nick Stokes and CSI Warrick Brown."

I blushed and looked down at my hands "That's a stupid rumor started by silly people. It's not true."

I heard Ecklie chuckle and I looked up at him in surprise. "I know Sara. And about yesterday…I really truly am sorry."

My surprise furthered. Ecklie was being nice? Was the world coming to an end? Was hell freezing over?

"Excuse?" I asked, trying but failing to keep the shock out of my voice.

Ecklie chuckled again but his face was sad "You know Sara, I'm not really the heartless bastard that everyone paints me to be. My job demands that I have a certain demeanor and carry out jobs a certain way. I answer to someone who's higher up than me, someone who reams me out if I don't do my job the right way. Everyone is supposed to hate me, fear me, respect me. I sometimes have to remind myself why I'm here…why I shouldn't just quit."

"And why is that?" I asked, curiosity getting the better of me.

"Because I have a job to do and even though you may not agree…it is an important one." Eckile looked a little sad at the fact, but I understood. I laughed inwardly at myself. I _understood_ where _Eckile _was coming from.

"But getting back to you," Ecklie gaze turned to one of concern. "Are you okay…I mean, that's a stupid question, how are you?"

"Ecklie, I just told you I want to quit and you're suddenly making nice with me? I mean I don't want to sound rude, but I'm confused here." I wasn't going to hide this, I wasn't staying and I had nothing to hold me back.

Ecklie sighed again "Sara…forgive me please, but I looked into your file…I know about…well about what happened." His voice was grim and I could sense real regret and a real apology in there. It made it harder to be mad, to be hurt. Two emotions I was so tired of. So instead I decided to accept it for what it was. Eckile wasn't an ass after all, he was a decent guy and he was concerned, not mad.

"Oh…I see" was all I could come up with.

"Sara, I'm sorry…for being an ass to you when I didn't understand-"

I had to cut him off "I'm not mad Ecklie…I'm actually kind of relived that you know…maybe now I can get a good mark put on my record." I was joking about the last part and Eckile cracked a smile.

"Do you want to talk about it?" Eckile asked after a few minutes of silence.

His concern and offer touched me, but this new side of Eckile was…well new and I wasn't sure home much I trusted it yet.

"No thanks…I'll be fine."

Silence enveloped us again before Eckile said kind of sadly "So you want to leave? Quit…you don't want to take a leave of absence and think about it?"

"No." I said firmly, set in my decision "I'm sure about this. I even have another job waiting for me in New York."

The last piece of information seemed to startle Ecklie but he took it gracefully "Oh…well then, I suppose we have to let you leave…Sara?"

"Yes?"

"Forgive me for asking…but is there more to this? Maybe a supervisor and another woman influenced this?"

I was angry at him for asking, but apparently I was just an open book these days begging to be read. "I'd rather not talk about that Ecklie-"

"Call me Conrad, please."

"Alright…Conrad, I hope you understand. My decision has been made and I'm leaving tonight. Whether someone else or some event has influenced my decision it doesn't change the fact that I'm leaving…I'm sorry."

Ecklie sighed heavily "Don't be sorry…I more than understand…I really am sorry."

"I know you are Conrad…well I really have to get going, I have to catch a flight in," I paused to look at my watch, growing alarmed when I realized I had very little time "I have to go…I'm going to miss my flight."

Ecklie stood at the same time as I did, walking around his desk to walk me to the door.

"The lab will miss you Sara." The comment, though meant with the best intentions I knew, inspired some pretty bitter thoughts and memories.

I had opened the door and turned to smile at Eckile. "Thanks Conrad…that means a lot coming from you."

"Call if you need anything at your new job…and let the lab know if we can help in anything." Though I knew he meant it, I knew it would never happen. I very much doubted that I would ever find reason to contact Vegas, let alone come back to get help for something.

"Thanks Conrad, I appreciate it."

I stepped out into the hall and began to walk away "Good luck Sara!"

I smiled slightly, though I was suddenly marred with sorrow at the thought of never coming back here; of never seeing Catherine, Nick, Warrick, Greg, and Jim every day. And even though it hurt like hell now…I wouldn't see Grissom again either.

As I passed Grissom's office, I saw that Sofia was still laughing merrily away, but Grissom's demeanor was different. He caught my eye before I cleared the office and he smiled slightly. I couldn't bring myself to return it, so I just looked away and kept walking.

I stopped one last time in the break room and saw everybody there. They all looked up when they saw me, looks of confusion and worry on their faces.

"This is it, isn't?" Warrick asked quietly.

I paused, fighting furiously with myself to hold in my tears. I nodded my head slowly.

"Yeah…it is." I sighed heavily looking at each of their faces, feeling the resoluteness of my decision. I knew I was being a slight Chicken as I walked around the room and said my long goodbyes. They would be the ones left here, and they would be the ones to tell the lab and…Grissom that I was gone and that I wasn't coming back. When all was said that could be said I walked to the door and looked at them all one last time, "Bye guys, I'll miss you." Was all I could come with. And then I turned my back and walked away like I should have done months ago.

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A/N Okay guys, so a happy horizon is awaiting Sara, I promise. Leave me a review and make me happy!


	12. New York, New York

A/N Okay you guys. First I must apologize for the fact that I have not updated in ages. I have no excuse, I hope you can all forgive me. And I hope that you have not given up on me.

Second, I have decided to re-write chapter 12 and on ward. I was not satisfied with the way things were going, so I've made a few changes. I hope you like them.

Third and finally, I of course do not own CSI or its characters...though I can say with pride that Eric is all mine!

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I had been in New York for a little over six months and I could honestly say, for the first time in a long while, that I was truly happy.

When I had arrived in New York, I was scared shitless. The fact that I had just left my job, my family, and the love of my life had finally sunk in, and all the doubts I ever had were running a mile a minute in my head. But when Eric walked up to me and wrapped his strong arms around me at the air port terminal for the first time in so many years, I knew everything would be alright.

My original plan was to just stay with Eric for a week or two, but two weeks turned into three, and three into four, until one day Eric just asked me if I wanted to stay. Of course I said yes, I had become very dependent on Eric since I had gotten here, and I guess he had come to rely on me too.

Eric lived right in the heart of the city, in a high rise apartment building left to him by his father. It was a rather large place and he confessed to me that he was happy to have someone to share the space with. He said it made him feel less lonely…I could relate.

It took no time at all for my belongings to become a part of the apartment. They were scattered throughout the place lying here and there next to Eric's things. For the first time in a very, very long time, I felt like I had a home, a place where I knew I could go and everything would be alright.

I still thought of Grissom every day, but with each passing hour, the ache in my chest lessened and my memories of him became less bitter. After three months here, I started to feel guilty when I suddenly realized that I didn't think of Grissom as much as I used to; maybe once or twice a day. When I confessed this to Eric, he just smiled and wrapped him massive biceps around me and said "This is a good thing Sara; it means you're moving on…it means you're healing."

I knew he was right, but I couldn't deny the fact that I still loved him. He may have faded from my memory somewhat, but he would always be in my heart.

I started my work with the FBI two days after I had arrived in New York. I think that helped with the transition, mainly because I didn't have time to dwell on anything. To say I enjoyed my job would be an understatement. I fell right into place with my colleagues, there was no tension or animosity like there was when I first started in Vegas. I was welcomed with open arms and warm smiles. The people I called my co-workers had become my family relatively quickly, even my boss came to have a soft spot for me; which was saying something.

I kept in constant contact with the guys and Catherine for the first couple months. I still talked to them maybe once every two weeks. Brass called more often than the rest, always chastising me for trying to run away from him. He had actually come up and visited me a couple times. He and Eric hit it off and were best buds now. Brass felt comfortable with who I was living with, which meant that it was once less thing I had to listen to him gripe about. And Brass griped often.

Greg had visited once as well. He had been visiting his parents who lived in the nearby suburbs and stopped by before he left town. It had been good to see him to say the least. He hadn't changed all that much and when we went out that night, I saw that he was still the "party animal" I loved.

Whenever I talked to Brass, Catherine, or the guys, we never talked about Grissom or Sofia. I knew Sofia still worked at the crime lab and had actually switched to swing so that she could spend more time with Grissom. I didn't know what their relationship status was and if I was being honest I didn't want to know. I felt that if I distanced myself from the whole situation then, eventually, I would be able to forget about it all together.

Eric worked the day shift with me by request. He and I were always getting into some sort of shenanigans around the office. We were notorious for our little stunts. I think everyone loved us just that much more for our antics.

That was the one major thing that had changed about me since I had left Vegas. I had become carefree, letting life take its course, living for the moment, and letting go of my past. I felt lighter than I ever had in my life and it was amazing.

"Sara Sidle! Get your skinny, little, white ass out of bed right now! We are _so_ going to be late!" Eric's booming voice rang through the apartment making me groan into my plush, off white pillow. I had the silly rational that if I snuggled deeper into my bed that Eric wouldn't be able to come and find me. I was proven wrong within thirty seconds as Eric came bursting through my bedroom door with thunderous movements. "Sara, do _not_ think that I will not drag your ass out of this bed, because you _know_ that I will."

I groaned again and tried to ignore him, even though I knew that was the wrong thing to do.

"Alright…but don't say I didn't warn you." Eric said almost a little too happily for my liking.

Eric flipped my blankets off of my feet and took hold of my ankles. He pulled hard and within seconds my ass hit the hard floor and I was cursing like a sailor up at Eric. His boisterous laughter did nothing to improve my mood as I slowly picked myself up off the floor.

"You're an ass, you know that?" I asked as I rubbed my now very sore butt.

Eric's booming laughter continued as he walked towards me and wrapped me in his strong arms.

"Yeah," He replied as his laughter slowed, "But you still love me."

"You're right." I relented, "I could never stay angry at you for too long."

"Does that mean I'm forgiven?" Eric asked as he let me go, a hopeful look on his face.

"Hell no!" I said as I stomped out of the room and to the bathroom.

I stripped and quickly took a shower before getting ready. Eric was right; we were going to be late.

Eric and I had a meeting of the utmost importance today. We had no idea what it was about exactly, but we knew it was important. We had figured out quickly that we would be leaving the office for a while to 'visit' another office because we were told to pack our bags. We had no idea where we were going, but we knew we were leaving tomorrow. Our office was big on the holding out of details thing.

I ran into the kitchen fifteen minutes later and found Eric waiting for me there.

"About damn time!" Eric said with a slight chuckle as he handed me a muffin.

"Shut up!" was all I could come up with as I shoved the muffin into my mouth and set about a search for my coat. As I passed by the front door, Eric was waiting for me with my coat in his hand and a smirk on his face. "Not one word!" I was quick to stifle the snarky comment that I was sure Eric was ready to fire.

Eric's face fell as I shut him down, "Sara, you're no fun in the morning."

I turned around and stuck my tongue out at him as we walked out the door. "Be sure to lock that you big oaf!" I shouted over my shoulder as I walked away. Eric was still at the door struggling with the lock.

I made it to the stairs before I heard Eric's footsteps come thudding down the hallway.

"Trying to leave without me?" Eric playfully accused as he grabbed my hand before descending the stairs with me.

"Oh, how could I _ever_ leave without you?" I asked, half jokingly half seriously.

Eric looked down at me as we reached to door. He let go of my hand to drape it across my shoulders, bringing me into him.

"Me and you…against the world…forever." Eric said softly before ducking down to plant a quick kiss on the top of my head.

His words, brought comfort to me instantly. I would be lying if I said my heart wasn't still broken, but Eric was doing a hell of a job putting it back together.

"So where do you think good old Jack is going to be sending us?" I asked as we began the five block walk to the FBI headquarters. Jack was like a father to us all, he seemed to exude wisdom, and he always knew what to do.

"Who knows…but I'm sure it's going to be something good." Eric said confidently, smiling down at me, his arm still resting securely on my shoulders.

Eric's confidence quickly transferred to me, and my nerves didn't get the best of me as Eric and I walked into the office. Eric had switched to holding my hand again, but no one in the office paid our affection much mind…it was expected.

We stopped at our desks, which were right next to each others, gathered some papers and waited to be paged. Eric quickly lost his patience like the five year old he was and started to throw balled up pieces of paper at my head.

After the fifth paper ball hit me I turned to Eric with a scowl firmly in place "Would you stop that you big buffoon?

Eric simply stuck his tongue out at me and laughed, which of course made me laugh too, even if I didn't want to.

"Eric, Sara," A voice interrupted our play and brought us back to task. I looked up and saw that it was a good friend of mine, Ken who was Jack's assistant. "Jack is waiting for you in his office, and Sara you've got paper in your hair…Eric's fault no doubt."

Ken muttered to himself as he walked away. Eric rolled his eyes at the man's back and stuck his tongue out.

"Would you grow up please?" I asked, mock exasperation coloring my voice.

Eric stood and grabbed some files off his desk before he turned to me and said "But you love me like this. You just say you don't so all the cool kids will like you…but don't worry Sara, they already do, your winning disposition is a beloved trait within the office." Eric winked at me when I gave him the finger.

I grabbed some files as well before following Eric down the hall to Jack's office. Once we arrived, Eric knocked once on the door.

A distant, "Come in." was heard, so Eric turned the knob and opened the door. He stepped aside so I could enter first, ever the gentleman that he was.

"Ah, Sara! Eric! Come in! Have a seat!" Jack's warm voice swept over us, welcoming us in.

Jack sat behind his desk, a bright smile and twinkling eyes offered as a comfort to everyone who worked for him.

Eric and I both returned the smile, set our files down on Jack's desk, and sat in the two chairs positioned in front of Jack's desk.

As soon as Eric was situated, which involved a lot of fidgeting indulgently tolerated by Jack and I both, Jack began to speak.

"So, I suppose you know why I called this little meeting," Eric and I both nodded our heads. "I have an assignment that's out of state, and since I wouldn't dream of splitting the two of you up," At this Jack's eyes twinkled more with mirth and both Eric and I blushed. "I've decided to assign both of you to it."

"Where you sendin' us Boss Man?" Eric asked excitedly, unable to wait and keep the question to himself. I laughed at him a looked at Jack expectantly.

Jack smiled with affection before stating, "San Francisco, California."

Eric whooped and I smiled before Jack's words sunk into my brain.

My blood turned cold as I realized what this meant. San Francisco…home, back to where it all began and ended and began again.

My ghosts had finally found me and what was worse; I hadn't even seen it coming.


End file.
